Keeps Coming Up of Late

Before anything, I should first say that I'm not speaking of any specific situation or persons. Its an accumulative of the season I am in in life. I'm just feeling pressed to write and share. Not entirely sure the reason, but with the hope to relate or help another possibly.

God has been speaking to me on various things, but this has been one main apparent focus He has been doing in me of late.

The heart.

Heart issues being exposed, rebuked, corrected, convicted, broken, purged, molded, etc. The intentions. The whys. That's what He sees and is about, the heart.

When I first came to the Lord, like for real, my family and friends had different reactions. Some thought it was awesome. Some were confused and wondered why. While others didn't like it all. I did lose a lot of friends yes, but most of those lost weren't much of friends, rather they were acquaintances and such. I've always been one who holds each relationship/friendship dearly. So when I began to feel the sadness and heartache of losing friends and having people not understand with me not being able to even really explain, I found this poem (I really shouldn't say I found it, but God delivered it) in perfect timing. It wasn't that I had to show people or use it to convince or explain. It was exactly how I was feeling, but was struggling to put into words. It encouraged me. It strengthened me. It convinced me all the more in my Lord and Savior, in His call to follow Him. Here it is:

When I say..."I am a Christian"

I'm not shouting "I am saved"

I'm whispering "I was lost"

That is why I chose this way.

When I say..."I am a Christian"

I don't speak of this with pride.

I'm confessing that I stumble

And need someone to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian"

I'm not trying to be strong.

I'm professing that I'm weak

And pray for strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian"

I'm not bragging of success.

I'm admitting I have failed

And cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say..."I am a Christian"

I'm not claiming to be perfect,

My flaws are all too visible,

But God believes I'm worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian"

I still feel the sting of pain

I have my share of heartaches

Which is why I speak His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian"

I do not wish to judge.

I have no authority.

I only know I'm loved.

I have nothing good in me, but Jesus. I'm nothing without Him. I know I'm a messed up sinner. I know I don't represent Christ or His church well all the time. I know I don't always go about things in the right way. I know I do and say things that I shouldn't and the contrary. I know. I don't need to be told this. When I say, I'm not trying to seek approval of man, but God's, I'm stating on the concept of 'performance.' I'm not trying to perform for anyone and with God I don't have to, I can't. He knows me better than I know myself. I can't pretend, cover, put on a front with Him. I used to put on fronts for people, perform. Nothing unresolved will ever be resolved. The moment of exposure, that's the moment that freedom is released. I try my best to not put on an act for people, but to be exposed, in the light, for all to see my screwed up self. As much as it may be hard, walking in the light causes sin and issues to be dealt with rather than staying hidden. This may seem ridiculous to some. Its the opposite that the world wants to tell you to do. God's ways almost never seem to make sense to us. They almost always seem crazy, even offensive. But I know God's intentions and promises. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. None of this is an excuse to screw up. I'm just being real. I'm a sinner. Its my nature. I'm going to mess up. Its inevitable. Its never my intention to hurt or harm anyone in process of my faults. I don't purpose in my heart to do such things. God continually is working in me on this. Its my heart that God cares about. Its what I do and how I deal with things when I have messed up that counts. Being humble and repentant in fullness in the heart.

IGNITING PASSION

"Igniting a passion for HIS standard!"

Preaching the message, not the law.

And that message is LOVE

And is the foundation of this mission statement.

For to have really encountered Jesus,

The all consuming fire God,

And fallen in love with Him,

A passion couldn't be stopped from igniting

And one wouldn't ever be the same,

Wouldn't talk the same

Or walk the same,

Wouldn't do what one's always done.

Look at the lives of every person Jesus encountered in the Bible.

The disciples, the tax collector, the prostitute,

The lame, the blind, the dead.

Changed forever, never to be the same again.

But He is the same today, yesterday, & forever.

Continues to encounter, consume, love, & forever change lives.

Ignite: to set fire, to take fire, begin to burn, to excite, begin to glow.

Passion: to suffer, to submit, to have strong love for, an outburst of strong desire.

Standard: of recognized excellence or established authority, to stand upright, stand fast or firm.

"Igniting a passion for HIS standard!"

Only God Understands

No one really gets it.

Not one quite understands.

They may say they know what I'm going through,

But reality is,

They're just on the outside looking in.

Never can they tell me how I truly feel.

Never will they be able to show me what is honestly real.

Words can never change what I know to be true.

Nothings going to make me stop loving you.

It is so amazing how someone can break your heart,

but yet you still love them with every little piece.

Only God understands, knows the heart, & has perfect purpose.

Broken

My heart hurts.

Just Listen

There's something about hearing someone's life story.

What they've been through,

And their own personal history.

To hear the ups, the downs.

The ins, the outs,

The smiles and the frowns.

What they may love the most.

If it's a summer breeze day,

Or a trip to the ocean coast.

Or to hear their heart's desire.

Who they want to be,

And what they aspire.

I can't tell you how many times,

Oh the times I've felt so blessed.

Sitting,

Looking,

And listening.

Just humbling myself.

And letting go,

Putting my agenda upon the shelf.

What is there to gain

When our thoughts are all wrapped up

And on our own glories or pains?

There could be so much we're missing

When we don't get out of ourselves,

Stop talking and....just listen.

"Do nothing from factional motives [through contentiousness, strife, selfishness, or for unworthy ends] or prompted by conceit and empty arrogance. Instead, in the true spirit of humility (lowliness of mind) let each regard the others as better than and superior to himself [thinking more highly of one another than you do of yourselves].

Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others.

Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:]"

Philippians 2:3-5 (AMP)

You Know...

when you go through something, but no one else is going through it that you can talk to (or they don't want to talk about it)...

so you just go through it alone

or don't deal with it at all

forgetting about it even?

and...

then that something blows up in your face...

first because you couldn't go through it alone

which then you never dealt with it

and now can't get out of your head...or your heart?

and then...

hurt

pain

anger

etc

rush in like a storm and a flood, overwhelming you and you think you might drown

and since no one has been going through this with you

no one understands and can help?

so...

you go through healing on your own

you go through forgiveness on your own

you go through restoration on your own

again...alone?

then after its all over and complete...

everyone you wanted to talk to but couldn't starts to go through it...

together?

and...

as you watch and listen

you see that its not going to turn out like it did for you

its going to work out for them and they don't have to go through the hurt and the pain?

but yet...

you get to watch and listen to it all

trying you best to be happy for them

standing once again not on the same page

or book for that matter

but in what your going through yet again...alone?

this has been the endless cycle of my life for the past two years

not going to lie

it hasn't been easy

and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier

but harder and harder.

Love without Motive

"Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor, giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality."

Romans 12:9-13

"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus." 

Phillipians 2:3-5

Love with a love that doesn't have a motive or expectation of anything in return. Honor your brother and sisters in Christ (all of them, no matter who they are or what title they may have.) Care for one another and think of others more than yourself. Be there for them no matter what you are going through yourself. Pray for them. Rejoice with them. Walk in patience when they are going through something hard. Hospitality- welcoming, helpful, warm, kind, cater, courtesy, generosity, entertain. Give out self to the needs of others with hospitality. Have the mind of Christ, who is Love.